My eyes widened

Just a journal entry from June 6th, 2024.

When I saw **** in the park that day, I had sat down right near him and not seen him, and guessed that maybe I was wrong about seeing him there that day. It was 2022. I left the house thinking I was on my way over there to meet him. We hadn’t planned it. We hadn’t spoken for the past two months. But in my head, it felt like we agreed on it somehow.

As I sat down, I thought maybe I was wrong. I settled in it. Took a breath. For about a second, I was alone.

Then it was like the invisible wall keeping me from seeing him had dropped.

The key was acceptance, maybe. The scenario itself was like Marilyn Monroe’s potential to conceal herself. She was an extremely powerful witch. Knew how to do spells and magic and probably loved people really well too. She could keep people from seeing her out in public through something inside of her mind. But when she decided to, she’d be in a restaurant and drop the wall. Everyone would begin to notice her, and turn their heads. I forget where I heard that story, but I remember that she’d be with a friend, and she’d be like Watch This.

I don’t think I’ve been able to get that wall to drop since.

But there was this woman today. She sat down across from me in the park, on the phone with her friend who was going through chemo therapy. From what I gathered when I looked up from my book and started listening, she was having a day where she felt great. The woman on the phone was so nice. She was patient as the connection lingered in and out. She sent so much love from where she was. She made empowerment seem really easy. I wanted to cry and admit that I was listening, and tell her that the world needs good friends like her and that we’re so lucky to have her on this earth. That she’s an angel. But I only cried and looked away, trying not to make it so obvious that I was the third person on the phone line, clogging up the connection.

She continued talking to her friend, saying that they’re in the second part of their lives, and really, anything could happen to anyone, even more now. She has a friend whose son was perfectly healthy and dropped dead on a run for no reason.

He just dropped dead. Nothing was wrong with him.

The friend had to move out of her house and into the city because from then on her life had completely changed and she couldn’t just keep on living the same one. I was kinda thinking about that last night— about our lives changing. I was crying over beautiful memories that happened to me once and saying Thank You, that I wouldn’t change them for anything. And I was praying a lot. The woman said that Anything Could Happen To Any Of Us, So When You Have A Day Where You Feel Great, You Should Just Try To Lean Into It. That’s All You Can Do. She said that’s what those books like The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle are all about (my eyes widened). And then I knew she must have been speaking to me. Including me in the conversation, even if she didn’t mean to. She told her friend that she loves her (I Love You, You Got This!), got off the phone, and left.